Discipline, Drinking, Getting Older

Proverbs (18-21) 22-23

Proverbs 19:21—Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

            Here’s one of those proverbs that encourages true humility because it encourages true dependence on the Lord. No matter how careful, how thorough, our plans, we cannot account for everything. Sometimes the things we don’t account for don’t make any difference and things go our way; sometimes the things we don’t account for have outsized consequences and things fall apart. In either case, we do well to count on the Lord.

 

Proverbs 20:20—The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.

            My uncle used to have a plaque on his desk that read, “Old age and treachery will overcome youth and vigor.” There does come a time when our bodies fail us, when the vigor of youth gives way. When that happens, we do well to lean more on our brains. Just recently I had to move a couch. In younger days, I would have horsed that thing around. This time I called a friend. “Work smarter, not harder.”

 

            We had several sayings recently about raising children: Proverbs 22:6, 22:15, and 23:13-14. The first one says that if we raise a child in the way he should go then they will stay on that way even when they are old. Here’s one where it’s good to remember that the proverbs are general statements, not ironclad guarantees. It’s good to remember that because everyone of us knows someone whose children did not follow in their ways; maybe it even happened in our family. I’ve often had parents ask what they did wrong that their children chose different paths, and I’ve often said that parents ultimately aren’t responsible for their grown children’s choices; those children also have agency. The best we can do is set them on the right path and pray that the Lord will keep them in it.

            The next two sayings encourage the use of the ‘rod.’ In a modern world, that sounds really brutal. Spanking has fallen out of favor in our parenting tool kit. And I think, in general, rightly so. Sometimes corporal punishment is the right choice—when for example there has to be urgency to the discipline. But corporal punishment dare not be executed in an atmosphere of anger. It cannot be perceived as retaliatory. It cannot teach that violence is the right response when one is upset. There are so many ways that corporal punishment can spill over into abuse that we do well to consider whether it should be used at all.

            On the other hand, the proverbs still ring true without corporal punishment. There are many ways to raise children in a disciplined environment without it. We need a broader understanding of discipline. Discipline is not punishment but an ordered life. Discipline begins with structure and routine. From the time they were only a few months old, our children had a bedtime routine—pjs, brushing teeth, read a book, say prayers, lights out. We rarely had to fight about it because that is just what we did. Morning routines came with school. Household chores were on a schedule. Children thrive on structure, and we only rarely had to resort to punishment.

 

            Proverbs 20:1, 21:17, 23:19-21, and 23:29-35 all warn against the dangers of alcohol. Psalm 104 says that wind gladdens the heart, and that’s true But alcohol must be treated with care. Too much and we say and do things we will regret. So, a drink eases the heart, but too many drinks have potentially disastrous risks.